No one will really ever understand.
My father asks am I done with you now.
You have ruined so much in me.
I don't blame you for that,
I have let you ruin me.
You have stolen so much money.
You text me,
that you love me.
You say run away with me.
And The fact that I honestly think about it,
The fact that I can't just say no,
worry's the fuck out of me.
I stop and ask myself why I cant just say no.
I have given you everything.
I still get nothing in return.
I will never get anything from you.
You want your heroin and I want simply to be loved.
You told me no one will ever love me.
No one will put up with my bipolarity.
You told me my Depression makes me worthless.
You told me that only crazy drug addicts or people
with a fetish for crazy people will love me.
I said I'm not that crazy.
I am not even that sad, I say.
You bring up the cuts.
I say its an outlet an addiction.
I don't even realize I am doing it most of the time.
I don't realize it when I am manic.
You say you made your point.
I should look at my self in the mirror.
Your mother just texted me.
She said you called her crying.
She said you were worried that you fucked up.
She said you told her you loved her and your brother.
She said you told her you were going to overdose because you are nothing but a failure.
she said you said it would be better this way.
I just want to cry.
I want you to know that I love you.
I will always love you.
You are not a failure,
You are an addict,
who needs a lot of help.
your mother said If you call me, and you might.
That I should calm you down.
I am the only person who can calm you down she says.
God, I hope you are ok.
I hope you are alright.
I can never be in a relationship with you again,
but I am in love with you.
All I can do is pray until you call.
Then I am going to tell you I love you.
I am going to tell you to breathe.
I will try to make you laugh.
I realize, I am good at helping people when they are in a manic state,
so why can't I help my self?
I am rambling now, I am scared.
please just fucking call me before you do anything.
please.
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