Formal ways to describe knowledge

Your drug addiction has only turned you into a bag of bones.
To touch you now, would only make me weep.
You are 10 pounds more then I, and 6'1. I am only 5'7.
I talked to you on the phone today,
you didn't call me yesterday.
due to poison running in your blood.
You are selling so more will come your way.
You are helping kill people. These people are young and lost.
I started to cry.
Don't cry Aelishia.

Why can't you stop this?
You were clean for seven months.
What do you mean you don't want to be sick?
You chose this. Being sick is whats next. It is a part of it.
What you mean to say is that you would rather just do it.
You would rather kill the pain this way, The weak way.
You agree. I am right for the first time, It does not feel good.
I start to cry again, I feel myself getting weaker by the second.
I feel myself hitting the bottom. I feel myself loosing control.
I need to get off the phone. I need to go. You say please don't. I hang up.

I let myself cry. I give my self permission to smoke a few more cigarettes.
I decide to go to the store, so that I can dye my hair dark brown.
I am being fake in this moment, I am smiling.
I got back in my car and saw that you called again.

Aelishia you are special, I love you.

I want to puke. I have lost all of my control and am weeping again.
I am pathetic.I am letting you ruin me, My own thoughts are ruining me.

I need this to stop. I need to let go of you somehow.